lsanderson | Stolen from Bill in Portland Main

"Congress is pledging to work around the clock until they’re absolutely certain they will get nothing done."
---David Letterman
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"One of Murdoch's tabloids was hacking people's phones and listening to their voicemails. Victims said their iPhones were so messed up that they were actually working."
---Craig Ferguson
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Michele Bachmann clip: The president doesn’t want to be confronted with priorities in spending, because he has a lot of "Choot-spa"
Jon Stewart: Y'know, I got a feeling saying the word "choot-spa" is gonna hurt more grandmothers than Obama cutting off their Social Security.
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"I just read that George W. Bush is getting his own limited-edition baseball card. You can tell it’s Bush’s card because eight years after you buy it, its value decreases $14 trillion."
---Jimmy Fallon
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"In Arizona they had a dust storm that was two miles high and 15 miles wide. It looked like something out of a movie. Visibility in Arizona, they said, was so bad that police were hassling white people."
---Bill Maher