The BEAST 50 Most Loathsome People in America, 2007

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Plonk or Champagne?

Is It Champagne or a Substitute? Refined Palates Can Be Fooled
By HARRY HURT III

I COMMENCED the first blind taste test I’d ever dared to conduct by popping the cork on bottle No. 1. The bubbling liquid spewed out of the neck and drizzled down the sides. Steadying my foam-splattered hand, I surveyed the 27 empty flutes arranged in neat rows on the kitchen table. I filled three of the flutes, and placed them on a slightly tarnished silver tray. Then I hid bottle No. 1 in a cardboard box on the floor, and carried the tray of frothing flutes into the living room.

My taste testers sprang up from the couch. For reasons soon to become transparent, I had agreed to let them go by the pseudonyms Gisela and Gaston. Gisela was Viennese, a former fashion model turned interior designer. Gaston was Parisian, an antiques dealer, and Gisela’s best friend.

“Salud!” they cried out in unison, raising their flutes. More

My Home Town...

Credit Union and Quicken decided to stop talking about a year ago. I finally switched to Microsoft Money. Now, the Credit Union updated their software, and they just plain stopped talking. GRR