Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest 2007 Results

[lsanderson]

Children's Literature runner-up
Mary had a little lamb; its fleece was Polartec 200 (thanks to gene splicing, a diet of force-fed petrochemical supplements, and regular dips in an advanced surface fusion polymer), which had the fortunate side effect of rendering it inedible, unlike that other Mary's organic lamb which misbehaved at school and wound up in a lovely Moroccan stew with dried apricots and couscous.
---Julie Jensen/Lodi, CA
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Vile Puns Runner-Up
The droppings of the migrating Canada geese just missed the outdoor revelers at the inaugural Asian math puzzle competition, marking the first time that dung flew over Sudoku Fest.

Kevin P. Craver
Lakewood, IL

Vile Puns winner
I was in a back alley in Fiji, fighting desperately and silently for my life, fighting desperately for oxygen, clawing at the calm and almost gentle pressure of the fabric held over my face by implacable, ebony thighs when I realized -- he was killing me softly with his sarong.
---Karl Scott/Brisbane, Australia
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Miscellaneous dishonorable mention
"I'll have a pack of cigarettes please, no, Marlboro 100's . . . lights please, in a box, yeah, no, wait, give me a soft pack, no, not those, the ones right above them, no, no, right next to those, yeah, wait, make it two packs, no wait, how much are they . . . no, one pack will do me, and a lighter please, no the other one, yeah, that one will be fine," he said quickly.
---Shane Spears/Blytheville, AR
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Grand Prize
Gerald began--but was interrupted by a piercing whistle which cost him ten percent of his hearing permanently, as it did everyone else in a ten-mile radius of the eruption, not that it mattered much because for them "permanently" meant the next ten minutes or so until buried by searing lava or suffocated by choking ash--to pee.
---Jim Gleeson/Madison, WI

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Comments

[bloodlossgirl.livejournal.com]

An lj-friend of mine ran an "Iron Bulwer-Lytton" contest on his journal last month - I won second place! But my prize was delicious dark chocolates. If writing badly has that reward, I may never write well again!

And I've been meaning to tell you, I like your new icon :)

Chocolate? They pay in chocolate?

[lsanderson.livejournal.com]

WoW! ;-)

Thanks!

[mle292.livejournal.com]

The grand prize winner really, REALLY earned it.